I am a third year medical student currently studying in Australia and currently doing my general practice rotation. This rotation has been alright so far. I'm just a bit scared of role-playing because of the audience which are of course my peers in my war to graduate and become a intern/doctor.
The road to internship has been rocky. The first rock being my failure at doing my two short cases and therefore i'm pretty sure i have to repeat medicine or some say internal med rotation next year. I have been ruminating about what i did and said that was so stupid that i couldn't comprehend why i said that answer in the first place. I was really anxious during that exam and everything but the obscure stuff remained in my hollow head and i couldn't remember what i had learnt about just a few days earlier.
My second rock was my surgery image paper. Even though we had past papers to practise on, i didn't do many of them just electing to look over the paper while i kept on studying. BIG mistake of my life. And i didn't manage to finish studying in that last week. While my friends breezed through the exam, i have to resit the exam this 1st december.
The third rock was my mental health viva exam. I as with my medicine exam kept ruminating over this one as well and wasn't able to sleep in the week after the exam. I know my mistakes; not talking enough, not saying the anwers even though they were running through my head, hoping for more of a feedback from the examiners that they wanted me to say more and so i just waited there for some sign that they wanted more. And know look where its gotten me. I have arranged for reviewing of my viva results but i have no idea what to expect. I'm not sure if i should study for the review or not. I'll most likely have to resit that exam as well.
I feel like a sham when i face my friends and even my juniors. I knew i could have passed those exams. I feel like i'm my only barrier or wall to get over. I think my self-esteem and self-confidence has pretty much been shot down eversince the first rock in this journey to be a doctor. And that's probably why these things keep happening to me. Plus the fact that i get really nervous and anxious during the exam that i don't say anything when i should have. Its hard to face the world as me. :(
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2 comments:
Kdee Dearest, Stay strong persevere InsyaAllah. Jangantah think so much bout what ppl think.
If the mind can conceive it and truly believe it you can achieve it. Amin! though we now it, and its easy just to say this But we still got to focus on the positive things or change the negative(things that put us down) jadi positve because it will make us stand up tall and still keep going! Love u loads :):)
Hiya Da, i just stumbled upon your blog teeeheee. ONe thing i just wanna say about all this, is that I BELIEVE you CAN ACHeive your dreams and i know you are a smart , intelligent person that will presevere no matter what, i agree the challenges of studying abroad is a lot and there are many temptations and whatnots that tend to steer us away from our goals, but i believe you can do it, i know there is that sense of malu now, but for me that would be the catalyst to SHOW THEM and prove to myself that i can suceed in the end no matter what. Life is a learning experience thus keep your head up high, thank God for our existence and benefits he gave us daily and be happy and (as mY Thesis lecturer said to me " JUST SLOG ON!!!!" when i felt like i couldn't do my thesis and felt like giving up) ......LOL.We all love and miss you so much from Home :D.Take care over there, keep warm and i am sure you are cooking delicious food hehhe
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